Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Too many thoughts for a title.

I'm pretty confused about who I am but of course, I guess that's a given at this age. So throughout my journey of figuring everything out, this is a really weird sort of speal/post about all my trials and tributes with my friends and so I wanna thank and say sorry to them. I'm not naming names, but if you think it's you, then it most likely is. But also if you think it isn't you, it could possibly be you, and then there are some of you who are totally oblivious.

To all who I have ever betrayed in my entire life, I'm sorry. I swear, I didn't mean any serious harm. There may have been occasional times when I felt a bit bitchy but a lot of the times this year have been accidents and confusion in my head, caused with me trying to find myself.

To _________ & ________,
You probably don't realise but I feel like I'm losing both of you. One of you never reads my blogs, no matter how many times I remind you and the other one is probably clueless. One of you is growing up a lot and I feel like you've made a 'better' friend than me. The other one, is still close to me outside of school, but in school you always seem distracted by other people, not just your bf, and I feel like you don't have time for me anymore. It hurts me so much everytime I see you with them because I feel like you just forget about me. I know this sounds stupid and selfish, but it hurts and the realistic part of me feels like we're slowly drifting apart.

To ________
You really hurt me, I don't know if I can trust you anymore. We use to be such great friends but you're growing up so fast. I don't have any other words for you because I've run out.

To ________
I don't know what happened. Were you even my friend? We dont even acknowledge eachother anymore. Now I really should give up on thoughts about you, but I hate having things unresolved. I seriously are getting sick of this issue, you probably never cared about me in the first place and will never read this or anything I write. It's all too stupid.

To ________
We had an amazing time together for those many days faraway, but it feels like they're all behind us now. It's weird. And I don't know if you care or not, but I still remember everything you've ever told me, especially the nice things. No one has ever said them to me and it made all my days. I really miss those times and I don't think it will ever be the same again.

I still don't know what's going on in my mind, there are mixed emotions everywhere and I always change my mind. It's all a big dizzy thing but I'm having fun at the same time. I'm always confused and easily manipulated. I get confused easily 'not in that way lol' (most peops probably dont understand this) and that causes me do stupid things and make silly mistakes that I always regret in the end. But yeah, these are some of the deep feelings inside me, and words just can't explain them enough, but I gave it my best shot.

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