Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Dating Dynamics: Tinder dun dun dun

It's judgement and thought provoking day on Unspent Thoughts.

I know this is a controversial subject but hear me out, okay?

Now I am no way an experienced person when it comes to the dating world, but I would like to call myself an experienced observer. Obviously I am a conceited person.

Dating or finding a 'significant other' is already hard enough in our day and age. With all this technology, we know everyone but we don't really know anyone.

Tinder. What a controversial topic. Teenagers love it. It's fun and no one really takes it seriously. It is said that it can't be labelled as a dating app, more as just a good time and harmless entertainment. Old school baby boomers who actually know what it is, criticise it for skipping traditional dating rules and missing out on the wondrous aspects of dating.

Me? I understand where both sides are coming from.
But I personally cannot be the one to support this.

If you don't know what Tinder is, don't worry. I didn't initially. It's basically a 'dating' app that let's you look through a couple of pictures and a small bio of the people near you. It then let's you like or swipe away those you find desirable or not. And when people mutually like each other, bam! You've got a match. Most people just chat for fun, others hook up and the unfortunate sentimental ones, try to take it seriously. But with everyone saying "Don't worry, I won't tell people how we met.", is this the best method for dating?

I have many friends who take to Tinder for fun and I get that. It's harmless, a little flirty and no one takes it seriously.

But there is something in this culture that I can't bring myself to just 'touch' the install button in the App Store, no matter how fun it is.

At first I didn't really know why I felt this way. My friends told me to get it, but there was some instinctual feeling that told me not to. I just didn't feel comfortable with it. At the time I just made the excuse that I was too lazy to create a profile. The online predator excuse doesn't work as effectively now because apparently people have forgotten about online dangers.

Now don't yell at me, I'm not saying everyone out there is a creep but I'm just saying you should still be cautious online because everything is being exposed to such a big audience.

But now, I've figured out why it bugs me so much. It's how much Tinder has changed dating dynamics or preferences. I say preferences because close minded Tinder lovers will preach over and over that no one uses it for dating anyway. However, this escalated use of Tinder has warped how we perceive people and 'partner prospects' in real life.

I had always thought, or at least hoped, that it would come down to the personality. And I'm not saying there is a universal perfect personality. I actually mean, the chemistry. I'm not gonna doubt it, looks do matter. But in the long run, it's how happy a person makes you and how you become your best self with that person, that truly decides whether you choose to stay with them or not. While looks play a part, most people try to give everyone a chance. At least get to know them as friends. And then you can decide based on the full package and not just what's on the outside.

At least, that what's my idealist side wants to be real.
On some level, I don't think that ever happened, but on another level, I always hoped that it will or at least, I would meet someone who shared these values.

With that acknowledgement, I've still noticed that the standings have shifted in recent times. You can meet someone who in your eyes is awesome, they share similar values or interests and you have a fun time with them, but you still choose the one that is 'hotter'. I'm not saying the 'hotter' person can't also be the better person. But when you choose someone you barely know, and in your opinion has no substance, and still hookup with them, despite having someone right in front of you who is your perception of the most amazing person in the world, now there's something wrong with that.

I'm not talking about looking at the people you've friend zoned, because anyone can do that rightfully. Often there are great people out there who simply aren't right for you or you just don't 'click' with.

We look for 'love' in the wrong places. Maybe if we take a step back and consider our other 'options' meaningfully, we would find someone truly worthwhile.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

No July Random Favourites - Sorry!

I apologise profusely but I won't be able to post the July Random Favourites, and purely out of lack of time and laziness. I know that is a terrible excuse but I have been mega busy lately as term 3 is the busiest term on the year.

We have revision for exams and I'm also in the band for a huge production that all three campuses of our school do for the younger kids in Middle School and Junior School. It's made me constantly have to catch up on work because I'm missing class for rehearsals and there are 6 (two of each) performances that go really late and about 15 songs per campus so there's A LOOOOOT of music for us to practise and rehearse.

I also was pretty lazy to do the full favourites, I did film a 'chit chat' video but I felt that it wasn't very good and I don't have time to edit. Also, my beauty/fashion blog is my first priority when it comes to these two blogs and I really want to focus on that one mainly. I just post here if I have some spare time or there is something majorly interesting to talk about.

Again, I apologise for all of this and I hope no one was eagerly waiting for them (I don't think anyone really was anyway).

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Awkward Love Triangle Discussion

Okay, now bringing in the entertainment side of this blog. Today I'm going to discuss the love triangle in a new tv show that I'm hooked on. It's not new, but new for me. Anyway, I didn't address everything in this love triangle, this is just my summary, well a very big summary. Let's just call this the first post about this love triangle.

Okay awkward is awesome, just gotta get that through first as I've never discussed the show before.

And, there are spoilers! So if you don't want me to ruin the show for you, then stop reading.

Anyway, first off, I have to say that I'm not sure whether I'm team jake or team Matt. Personally, if I wasn't exactly in Jenna's situation, I'd absolutely love Jake. I basically feel that Jake is who Jenna follows with her head, and Matt with her heart, which is pretty much what she herself said anyway. I do think that her and Matt have more chemistry, but Jake is just so good for her and makes her so happy, but I don't think she's as passionate with Jake.

But if I was in Jenna's situation, having had all the history with Matt, it really is an extremely difficult choice. How can she know that Matt will change and be better? What if she develops intense feelings for Jake? In my opinion, Jake is the better guy, but Matt is the guy she really loves.

Then sparks the question I like to ask in many relationship debacles, as sparked by This Means Was and What's Your Number, don't pick the better guy, but which guy makes you the better girl? And in response to this question in Jenna's case, I'm not sure. The series doesn't really touch on how each guy effects Jenna's general personality, just her feelings. Of course, Matt made her sadder, but it was also more worth it, 'love' wise. And I don't think responses to being in a relationship are exactly the same as being a certain person with individual attributes. Sure the way that you respond is a reflection of your personality, but now I'm just heading on a tangent, that is a discussion for another day.

Back to my kind of original point, if I was smack bang in Jenna's situation, but I had my head, I'd choose Jake, but if I was actually Jenna, I think she would do what she's doing now, she knows that Jake is the better guy and she's trying to do what she thinks is the right thing but she just can't yet extinguish how she feels for Matt.

But then raises the question, is what she doing really right? Now this is up for personal moral debate, but by delaying and in some way, 'faking' how she feels for Jake, is that just hurting him more in the long run? I think this whole ploy is pretty much delaying the inevitable for Jenna, when she has to choose.

I think she may actually choose Matt, more that I think about it. I think everything that she has with Matt is so much more worthwhile, but it's also about if Matt can step up to the plate and do what he wants to, no longer care what other people think. And now Jenna isn't even that unpopular, why is he freaking out?

And that thing with Sadie was stupid, just sayin. Although I do feel a bit for Sadie cuz I know exactly how that feels, I'm just not as open and bitchy about it, because I don't think that the guy needs more stress, I'll let him know when the times right.

I also have to point out that I don't think Matt and Jenna are treating Jake that well, we know that they don't want to hurt him, but Jake is a man of truth and he openly expresses that, so shouldn't they just do what Jake wants? And if he's hurt by it, just think that it's better than if he found out some other way, secrets always get out.

That's my opinion for now on the whole Awkward Love Triangle for now. Later we can discuss the other issues hahaha.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Lauren Conrad's LA Candy Book Review

Another book review, this is pretty different to my usual genre of book reading, but I feel like I might broaden my mind. 

Lauren Conrad’s LA Candy is about Jane, the classic girl next door and her best friend, the outspoken Scarlett, who move to Los Angeles for a fresh start. In LA they are lucky to be cast in a reality show that is similar to Sex and the City. The two girls’ friendship is tested in an unknown city dealing with back-stabbing and jealous attention seeking girls, boy problems and the ruthless paparazzi.

I thought that this book had a good pace; it was interesting seeing the backstage side of reality television, as Conrad highlights the issues that come with reality shows and how some of it isn’t actually real. The story line didn’t seem very original; it is very similar to her reality show The Hills. Also, the writing style is very average. There is nothing special about her use of language and it’s not very complex; it seems to be written for a teen demographic.

Overall I liked this book but it isn’t anything to get too excited about, and I might read the sequel someday. I would recommend this to anyone who likes Conrad’s reality show The Hills and I give it a rating of 3 and a half out of 5 stars. 


Boy, relationships are nasty, and complicated, and usually never last. 

And oh yeah, I just realised that this will have almost nothing to do with relationships, lol. 

My story:
No, I'm not going to vent about a break up, or ramble on about a new boyfriend whom I love, but reveal my realisation about my so called 'love' life. But can I call it a 'love' life if I've never really been with anyone?

I'm currently 15 years old turning 16 in January and I've never had a first kiss, and I've never had a boyfriend. I use to think that at this age it didn't matter if you had done either of these things, but it seems the age gets lower and lower and the years pass on. 

All my friends have all experienced this, and honestly, I did use to want a boyfriend, really badly, and not because I felt left out, but because I just wanted to be loved. I've always kind of been a loner, even with 'friends' around me, and honestly, now I kind of like it that way. But I just wanted someone to see me for me and to really respect me, I guess we don't really get that anymore.

The older I got, the more scared I became that I would have no one. I've been at the same school for my entire life and everyone already knows who I am and that the people who don't want anything to do with me, don't have anything to do with me, and everyone who ever somehow 'liked' me in their meaningless tween existence (no that's not a typo) has realised that it's best to not act on it.

I've always been a tomboy, I may now be into fashion and stuff, but I still act kind of like a boy. No I'm not sloppy, or lazy, or smelly, but just straightforward, and being this way makes girls annoyed. I just don't want to have to act a certain way. I just don't play games, I mean what I say, and usually act the same around most friendship groups. 

So as I got older, I was sad that maybe there's no one out there for me, everyone just treated me like a friend who was a girl and that's it, nothing more. And there was nothing I could do about it.  

Although, even though I wanted all these things, I didn't go out to parties and hookup with random guys who told me what I want them to tell me, because A) I'm not stupid and I respect myself and B) I want my firsts to be meaningful, and I want it to be with the right person.

But don't worry, I'm not going to complain about how I'm a lonely teenage girl who wants to be loved. And sound like a bit of a hypocrite in that last paragraph. Funny is, I haven't even reached the main plot line, awkward. 

Back to planet Earth. Recently I met a guy, who is two years older than me, so he didn't really know me, he's really sweet and kind and is the first decent guy I've met. 

In the past, when I 'liked' someone, everyone somehow ended up finding out, I wasn't very subtle about it though, and it always seemed like they would 'like' me back, similar to all those advice columns in the teenage girl magazine: "they probably like you back!" NO wrong, don't act on it, you just end up being rejected, like I did. 

So this time, I acted totally normal with him and had a professional relationship, because the only way we knew each other was through a school activity that we had to do together.

In the past couple months, I secretly hoped that maybe I might have a chance, maybe something meaningful could happen, and maybe I'd have my first boyfriend.

I was pretty in over my head, other than the school activity, we never got a chance to hang out. And the school activity, was pretty professional. He didn't even hang in the same groups, I have friends in his year level but they aren't in the same circle. Nevertheless, he was still nice to me, and said 'hi' to me in the hallway (which is surprising because I've had an unfortunate incident with other year 12s in the past, let's not get into that now).

The thing is, the point to this amazing story, isn't that amazing, but it's a realisation that I've always known I should have, but I have never really embraced.

Maybe I just shouldn't care. It's not necessary for me to have a boyfriend, and definitely in my experience, things happen when least expected. Just like the John Mayer song, I'm happily 'Perfectly Lonely'.

I've always believed that if things are meant to happen, somehow you will know what to do to make it happen. And especially with boys, my previous experiences haven't been that great when I rushed into things, I usually got hurt and became an embarrassment. 

So I'm just going to let it be with this guy and just boys in general. Let's just see how things play out in my life, and let that be it. 

The end.

That's a huge story with a small significant lesson, but this realisation is pretty important to me, so I just wanted to let it out there. 

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Growing Up & Society RANT

First I'd like to warn and introduce you to my new blog, it is the same blog but reincarnated. I'm not deleting any of my old stuff because I'm trying to start this new thing with no regrets, and not some crappy hipster stuff about living it young and going crazy, but taking everything as it is and learning from the mistakes and just move on. I'm not very good at this yet but I'm growing

Also, in this new rebirth of my blog, you will encounter crazy ramblings that don't make sense, no bother of proof reading, and no structure. And me contradicting myself all the time and putting out very hypocritical points because no one is ever who they say they are, and no one can 100% stick to their morals. Oh yeah, and some casual deep philosophical quotes dropped around casually. 

But this is my mind, unspent, never enough, but I'm trying to unleash some of the absurdity here, so I have room for more. (:

I feel that as I grow up, I loose part of my innocence, but I mainly lose my obedience of this fake act that is society. I still see the beauty in things, but I understand more how many lies are let loose in this world (thank-you Camus), and we can't stop them, even I can't. But at least I realise this.

Maybe 5 years ago, or 2 years or even 4 months ago, I was a major player in this society that is a lie, and honestly, everyone is. And because not many people realise this, we are all stubborn and juvenile.

I feel that as I'm growing up, my view of the world broadens, it hasn't necessary become free of innocence, but I have a greater understanding of how everyone works, and I'm eager for my thoughts to run free as I grow older and become more insightful with everything.

I'm not saying that what I'm saying is right, no way, and I'm sure if you don't understand you'd probably take a stab at everything I stand for, but who am I to judge? Who am I to tell you what to do? You can do what you want, but I will deal with it and continue to stand for what I believe in.

How did this turn into a rant? I don't understand my self sometimes, but no matter how absurd my thoughts are, they are still clear as crystal to me.

Another idea I want to touch base on, hipsters.

You will most likely understand what I'm on about if you use tumblr, you know that magical website where everyone posts pictures of things they like, I know it sounds completely boring and pointless, but honestly, I love it. It's so stupid, but it gives us another outlet, and sometimes I do find truly inspiring images, outside of all the hipster crap with skinny girls in exposing clothes and pouts.

Okay, so hipsters are defined as 'cool', and also apparently all the Australian tumblrs are hipster? WRONG!, judgemental people who jump to conclusions (notice that I actually just judged). I often feel that everything that is 'cool' is just fuel to the fire that is this society. Sometimes I wonder, how was it that 6 years ago, music that was 'cool' was pop music and now what's 'cool' is this strange techno noise?

You know what the common denominator is? They both usually have some sort of catchy tune that hypnotises people who don't have the ability to really choose for themselves, no matter how old you are, how much experience in life you have, we are all continuously bombarded with influences which often catch on and they're we're stuck, and we have no idea how.

All these companies that are liars and then create lies to get some cha-ching to help their consumerism lives (thank-you Arthur Miller) but there's nothing that we can do about it. And honestly, I often fall into the trap, yet I have found ways to actually be happy, but not all the time, although all I look for is balance.

P.S. I don't make any sense but deal with it (my silent anger)

Monday, September 19, 2011

Thunderstorms - My Musings

I've always been quite scared of thunder and lightning, gosh, I even use to be scared of car washes. But I always just told myself that nothing is going to happen, I'll be fine, it's only nature.

And that's right, it only is nature. Why is it that us, as humans are selfish as to be annoyed or agitated about storms or raining or even bugs, when we're the ones that ruined this world. Maybe we should be a bit more considerate and exist in harmony with all these forms of nature.

Whilst I do still find storms scary and unnerving, I think they are ultimately uplifting, this phenomenon that occurs in nature, the thunder and lightning, it's incredible.

These storms also create balance, they aren't as calm as days of blue skies but are inevitable and necessary on this earth, when it comes to balance, or yin and yang, I don't think of storms as bad, but different and often misjudged.

Storms remind me of everyone's opinions of moths. Why must butterflies get all the glory? Just cuz they're colourful? Compare this analogy to humans? I know how it feels to be judged by appearances, that's why I nonetheless sympathise with a moth, but also feel a connection with them.

I'm sure the moth hasn't analysed this as deeply as I have but anyway.

Thankyou for reading, what are your opinions on storms?


Monday, May 16, 2011

The year

This is so true! Haven't really been in a writing mood, definitely in the makeup mood. So I might share this picture that isn't my own, I found it on tumblr through am0ur on tumblr and the source is here.