Thursday, October 6, 2011
Boy, relationships are nasty, and complicated, and usually never last.
And oh yeah, I just realised that this will have almost nothing to do with relationships, lol.
No, I'm not going to vent about a break up, or ramble on about a new boyfriend whom I love, but reveal my realisation about my so called 'love' life. But can I call it a 'love' life if I've never really been with anyone?
I'm currently 15 years old turning 16 in January and I've never had a first kiss, and I've never had a boyfriend. I use to think that at this age it didn't matter if you had done either of these things, but it seems the age gets lower and lower and the years pass on.
All my friends have all experienced this, and honestly, I did use to want a boyfriend, really badly, and not because I felt left out, but because I just wanted to be loved. I've always kind of been a loner, even with 'friends' around me, and honestly, now I kind of like it that way. But I just wanted someone to see me for me and to really respect me, I guess we don't really get that anymore.
The older I got, the more scared I became that I would have no one. I've been at the same school for my entire life and everyone already knows who I am and that the people who don't want anything to do with me, don't have anything to do with me, and everyone who ever somehow 'liked' me in their meaningless tween existence (no that's not a typo) has realised that it's best to not act on it.
I've always been a tomboy, I may now be into fashion and stuff, but I still act kind of like a boy. No I'm not sloppy, or lazy, or smelly, but just straightforward, and being this way makes girls annoyed. I just don't want to have to act a certain way. I just don't play games, I mean what I say, and usually act the same around most friendship groups.
So as I got older, I was sad that maybe there's no one out there for me, everyone just treated me like a friend who was a girl and that's it, nothing more. And there was nothing I could do about it.
Although, even though I wanted all these things, I didn't go out to parties and hookup with random guys who told me what I want them to tell me, because A) I'm not stupid and I respect myself and B) I want my firsts to be meaningful, and I want it to be with the right person.
But don't worry, I'm not going to complain about how I'm a lonely teenage girl who wants to be loved. And sound like a bit of a hypocrite in that last paragraph. Funny is, I haven't even reached the main plot line, awkward.
Back to planet Earth. Recently I met a guy, who is two years older than me, so he didn't really know me, he's really sweet and kind and is the first decent guy I've met.
In the past, when I 'liked' someone, everyone somehow ended up finding out, I wasn't very subtle about it though, and it always seemed like they would 'like' me back, similar to all those advice columns in the teenage girl magazine: "they probably like you back!" NO wrong, don't act on it, you just end up being rejected, like I did.
So this time, I acted totally normal with him and had a professional relationship, because the only way we knew each other was through a school activity that we had to do together.
In the past couple months, I secretly hoped that maybe I might have a chance, maybe something meaningful could happen, and maybe I'd have my first boyfriend.
I was pretty in over my head, other than the school activity, we never got a chance to hang out. And the school activity, was pretty professional. He didn't even hang in the same groups, I have friends in his year level but they aren't in the same circle. Nevertheless, he was still nice to me, and said 'hi' to me in the hallway (which is surprising because I've had an unfortunate incident with other year 12s in the past, let's not get into that now).
The thing is, the point to this amazing story, isn't that amazing, but it's a realisation that I've always known I should have, but I have never really embraced.
Maybe I just shouldn't care. It's not necessary for me to have a boyfriend, and definitely in my experience, things happen when least expected. Just like the John Mayer song, I'm happily 'Perfectly Lonely'.
I've always believed that if things are meant to happen, somehow you will know what to do to make it happen. And especially with boys, my previous experiences haven't been that great when I rushed into things, I usually got hurt and became an embarrassment.
So I'm just going to let it be with this guy and just boys in general. Let's just see how things play out in my life, and let that be it.
That's a huge story with a small significant lesson, but this realisation is pretty important to me, so I just wanted to let it out there.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
First I'd like to warn and introduce you to my new blog, it is the same blog but reincarnated. I'm not deleting any of my old stuff because I'm trying to start this new thing with no regrets, and not some crappy hipster stuff about living it young and going crazy, but taking everything as it is and learning from the mistakes and just move on. I'm not very good at this yet but I'm growing
Also, in this new rebirth of my blog, you will encounter crazy ramblings that don't make sense, no bother of proof reading, and no structure. And me contradicting myself all the time and putting out very hypocritical points because no one is ever who they say they are, and no one can 100% stick to their morals. Oh yeah, and some casual deep philosophical quotes dropped around casually.
But this is my mind, unspent, never enough, but I'm trying to unleash some of the absurdity here, so I have room for more. (:
I feel that as I grow up, I loose part of my innocence, but I mainly lose my obedience of this fake act that is society. I still see the beauty in things, but I understand more how many lies are let loose in this world (thank-you Camus), and we can't stop them, even I can't. But at least I realise this.
Maybe 5 years ago, or 2 years or even 4 months ago, I was a major player in this society that is a lie, and honestly, everyone is. And because not many people realise this, we are all stubborn and juvenile.
I feel that as I'm growing up, my view of the world broadens, it hasn't necessary become free of innocence, but I have a greater understanding of how everyone works, and I'm eager for my thoughts to run free as I grow older and become more insightful with everything.
I'm not saying that what I'm saying is right, no way, and I'm sure if you don't understand you'd probably take a stab at everything I stand for, but who am I to judge? Who am I to tell you what to do? You can do what you want, but I will deal with it and continue to stand for what I believe in.
How did this turn into a rant? I don't understand my self sometimes, but no matter how absurd my thoughts are, they are still clear as crystal to me.
Another idea I want to touch base on, hipsters.
You will most likely understand what I'm on about if you use tumblr, you know that magical website where everyone posts pictures of things they like, I know it sounds completely boring and pointless, but honestly, I love it. It's so stupid, but it gives us another outlet, and sometimes I do find truly inspiring images, outside of all the hipster crap with skinny girls in exposing clothes and pouts.
Okay, so hipsters are defined as 'cool', and also apparently all the Australian tumblrs are hipster? WRONG!, judgemental people who jump to conclusions (notice that I actually just judged). I often feel that everything that is 'cool' is just fuel to the fire that is this society. Sometimes I wonder, how was it that 6 years ago, music that was 'cool' was pop music and now what's 'cool' is this strange techno noise?
You know what the common denominator is? They both usually have some sort of catchy tune that hypnotises people who don't have the ability to really choose for themselves, no matter how old you are, how much experience in life you have, we are all continuously bombarded with influences which often catch on and they're we're stuck, and we have no idea how.
All these companies that are liars and then create lies to get some cha-ching to help their consumerism lives (thank-you Arthur Miller) but there's nothing that we can do about it. And honestly, I often fall into the trap, yet I have found ways to actually be happy, but not all the time, although all I look for is balance.
P.S. I don't make any sense but deal with it (my silent anger)
Monday, September 19, 2011
And that's right, it only is nature. Why is it that us, as humans are selfish as to be annoyed or agitated about storms or raining or even bugs, when we're the ones that ruined this world. Maybe we should be a bit more considerate and exist in harmony with all these forms of nature.
Whilst I do still find storms scary and unnerving, I think they are ultimately uplifting, this phenomenon that occurs in nature, the thunder and lightning, it's incredible.
These storms also create balance, they aren't as calm as days of blue skies but are inevitable and necessary on this earth, when it comes to balance, or yin and yang, I don't think of storms as bad, but different and often misjudged.
Storms remind me of everyone's opinions of moths. Why must butterflies get all the glory? Just cuz they're colourful? Compare this analogy to humans? I know how it feels to be judged by appearances, that's why I nonetheless sympathise with a moth, but also feel a connection with them.
I'm sure the moth hasn't analysed this as deeply as I have but anyway.
Thankyou for reading, what are your opinions on storms?
Monday, May 16, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
I am SOOOOOO sorry I haven't posted anything in a LONG time, I've been super busy and I've just had TONS of stuff to do. Today I'm just going to show you some photos I've taken that I kind of like. Sorry about everything again.
Toodles, eat noodles ;D
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Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
There! That chica! Not the one scribbled out (that's me), but the other beautiful person, well she is kimmi A.K.A kimmitalks on YouTube (I should totally link every single word that has a website,YouTube ;D). Today her and Dave Days had this HUGE gathering in Melbourne, and a couple friends and I saw them both.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Actually, I turned 15 on the 18th of January, except on that day and the day after (yesterday), I didn't get a chance to do my birthday post. Actually, I was thinking about what to put in this post a couple weeks ago, so I'm just going to go straight into it.
Okay, so for my birthday, before I decided to have a birthday party, one of my best friends, Hannah (who also has a blog here) gave me my birthday present early, and one of them was this book called 365 Reasons To Be Cheerful and everyday there is a story about some sort of unusual, funny and happy event in history on that day, and so I read it everyday and I love it sooooo much. Thank-you Hannah. Also, the story on my date of birth is about Captain Cook discovering Hawaii, and what a coincedence, I LOVE HAWAII FIVE O! So I thought that was an aawesome coincedence.
I will show you pictures of the story and book in my birthday present post. Also, I'm not sure which blog to put my birthday present post in, my beauty & fashion blog or this one, because my beauty & fashion post is kind of in the same concept as YouTube beauty gurus, because I wanted to do that but Mum wouldn't let me which is understandable; usually what beauty gurus do are hauls, room tours and stuff like this as well.
And what I actually did forget to tell you guys is that I have finally made a fashion and beauty blog, so all my future fashion posts will be there. If you think I should move all my old fashion posts there, I might do that. (: Anyway, the link is http://risingsun-fashionbeauty.blogspot.com so if you want you can bookmark that. ;D
I am also thinking of doing a post about the story behind the names of my blogs and my tumblr, because many people have actually asked me, "Why is your name Jesse & Me?" And I never revealed it to anyone, but there were little hints here and there, but I don't think anyone got it, so I might do a post on it when I give in to the temptation and mystery. Honestly, I suck at being mysterious, but everything I do has a reason and a story, not just cuz it sounds nice. Tell me if you would like this?
Also, I didn't spend my birthday alone, doing homework. Actually this super hot construction worker came over and we played mariokart. ;P
JUST KIDDING, you would think, me, Amy, would do that? Although, I do think Hannah is a very good looking construction worker. ;) But she just came over and we hung out, and she helped me decorate my room. Want a room tour? This blog or beauty blog? Maybe? (:
So that's it, bye ;D
Monday, January 17, 2011
Young Sherlock Holmes Death Cloud
Young Sherlock Holmes Death Cloud, written by Andrew Lane, is a detective novel that depicts the famous detective as a teenage in the 1860s and how he was introduced into the world of mystery. Young Sherlock Holmes has discovered two dead bodies with his new friend Matty Arnatt, and so go on a wild, exciting and extremely dangerous adventure from the small town of Farnham the heart of the empire, London. Along with Matty, his tutor Amyus Crowe and his daughter Virginia, the team tries to investigate and put a stop to a terrible plot that will affect the entire empire in this book and Baron Maupertuis, the mastermind behind the whole plot.
In my opinion, the book is an excellent portrayal of Sherlock Holmes’ childhood and I don’t have any huge critical points in this book, although I do wish that Mrs Eglantine was more involved in the story, I was looking forward to seeing how she would influence the story and become a possible villain in the story. Mrs Eglantine is Sherlock’s uncle’s sinister housekeeper who Sherlock’s brother, Mycroft Holmes, actually warned him about. Other than that, I loved the book. It really grasped my attention and I thought the storyline was fantastic. I also liked how the story didn’t concentrate too much on Sherlock’s possible affection with his tutor’s daughter Virginia; Andrew Lane did a very good job at keeping the book on track.
Of course the book is not as much of a classic as the original books but it is still interesting, and I definitely recommend it to anyone who would like to start slowly with Sherlock Holmes or just a short and simple detective story. I am also hoping to read the sequel to this book, because this first one has been really interesting and has given me a good background on possibly one of the most well-known detectives, Sherlock Holmes.
-I hope you liked it. Sorry about the huge 2 week hiatus, but I have tons of holiday homework and I still do, so posts will still be coming, but slowly.
Please please please favourite this video, it is almost becoming the most favourited video. So please watch and favourite to show your support.
I know there are tons of bad stuff going on in this world right now, and here is one way you can support one of them.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I'm thinking of maybe doing another blog that is just beauty and fashion related. Should I make that a separate blog?
Or would it be better if I turned my fashion and beauty things into videos and then put them onto Youtube, but it would be quite hard not to show my face the whole time. I'm not a huge fan of putting my face totally out there sometimes. I mean, I sort of think Tumblr is fine, just not 24/7, but Youtube is a HUGE community where everything is seen by a larger amount of people, so I will probably make a new blog that is fashion and beauty dedicated, and will include maybe some Tags from Youtube put into worded form or video without my face. I'm not sure.
What do you guys think? Tumblr ask/msn/comment/facebook me. (:
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
To be honest, I am a total failure at cooking, but this is an amazing smoothie, and one of the most popular. Sadly, Australia is not often graced by the prescence of this amazing drink, and I think it should be talked about much more here, as much as it is overseas. I have already been to two HUGE places (literally), where Strawberry & Banana Smoothies are much appreciated, so this is a recipe that I cooked up with a mixture of many different recipes online and my own taste buds.
This is recipe is for approximately two cups, double it for 4, or triple it for more, or quadruple it, yeah you get the gist.
1 banana, chopped
1 cup of strawberries, chopping them helps ;D
2 extra strawberries for decoration, cut vertically in the middle halfway into the strawberry (optional)
1/2 cup of plain yogurt (or vanilla flavoured because I couldn't find any plain in the store :S)
1/2 cup of milk
2 ice cubes, crushed helps (I actually put them in a plastic bag and smashed them with a wooden spoon repeatedly, good for anger management ;P)
1 spritz of honey (optional)
1 blender, or more if you're feeling spontaneous
1. Collect all necessary materials. (Science prac, puh-leze)
2. Open the blender.
3. Put all ingredients (except for the blender) into the blender.
5. Pour the mixture into two separate glasses.
6. Pop the extra strawberries onto the sides of the glasses (cup into the sliced bit of the strawberry)
7. Serve and enjoy.
I hope you are delighted by this heavenly drink. Thanks. (:
Sunday, January 2, 2011
So guess what! Yes, it's all in the title, twenty eleven is upon us and to be honest, I don't feel any different or excited at all. Especially last night, at New Years Eve, I just felt lethargic, not even bothering to get excited, I was just chilling on Youtube, slowly getting through all the videos by my subscriptions that land slided me while I was in mainland China of blocked websites. Although, my emotions my change throughout this post, that has a tendency of happening. So right now I'm on the train to Guangzhou where I shall fly back home with superman. Well, I wish, but I am flying back home but in an aeroplane. BOORING, I know.
Did anyone realise that the date today is 1.1.11, haha, sorry I just thought that was cool and realised when I was writing the last entry for this trips travel journal. Although when I post this, it might be 2.1.11, but I wrote this on 1.1.11. And that was boring, just disregard that anecdote.
Got any resolutions for the upcoming year? Anything you're excited for?
Well now I feel different when I think about it. I'm not sure if it's the fact I'm on my laptop (typing makes me inspired), or if I'm on the train and I'm able to do the whole 'look out the window in a thinking face', which is used in movies and video clips, a bit too much now; but I actually feel kind of excited for some things that shall be happening in the upcoming, scared about the challenges that greet me with another year of existence on this complex planet, and the possibility of not knowing whether the new things I'm excited about trying could just be not that fantastic. That actually happens to me WAY too often, whenever I'm super excited about something, it turns bad and it works vice versa too.
First of all, I shall create my resolutions literally right now, while I'm typing this.
-Read more Okay this is just sad, in 2010 I was a super slow reader. Although, I often get mixed up with what I read in the first half of the year and what I read in 2009, because the first half of 2010 wasn't that great, although the second half was bloody awesome! And so, often I mistake them for two years, because the bad things just feel so long ago. I may have actually finished all of Matthew Reilly's books except for Hover Car Racer. Actually to think of it, in the first half, I read TONS, maybe it's because I wasn't that happy, so I needed another place to run away to (the books, not homeless). I'm trying to remember what I read. 4 Shane Schofield books, All Percy Jackson, Contest, Temple and Gone. Actually, other than my school books, I'm pretty sure they're all the books I read, and that is 12 books. Crap, that is nothing. I'm greatly ashamed with myself. So yeah, read more. Also, finally finish Rebecca, by Daphne du Maurier which I started December 2009 and I have just been on and off reading so I hope to finish that these holidays.
-Continue to work hard in my studies My results in 2010 were very pleasing to me, and I would like to continue my study procedure this new year but try and work even harder, to the best of my ability.
-Exercise more During my off season, which is every season except for winter, I don't usually work really hard. Also, winter is my 'on' season, so to say, because I do the most work in regard to sports because that is hockey season. During the time I play tennis, I don't work as hard, but hockey is my favourite sport and I spend quite a lot of effort when I'm playing the game. Also, I ski in winter, which helps me become fit. And so, during December 2010, I started jogging round the lake at the estate I live in and I discovered that I was able to jog all the way round without stopping, which I found really surprising. Although, I participated in Relay for Life last year, which has been one of the motivations for jogging, and then I found I was able to jog 6 laps of a 400 metre track without stopping, I'm not sure if that's more or less than the length around the lake though. Also, it will be good for me during the off season when the weather is better for jogging than winter.
-Be a better person I think I'm a pretty alright person although I would like to be less intense on my weaknesses. I often speak without thinking and can be frustrated easily and I think that I have come on too strong and hurt some of my friends' feelings, so this year, I will slowly improve on this. I know it's not going to be easy, my instinct overthrows my heart ALOT of the time, and so I don't expect to be able to do this after a week, it will take quite a long time, slow pace and initiative but I will hope to be able to be a better friend and person.
-Contribute more to my school The school I go to has given me soooooo much, facilities, education, opportunities and smiles. So in 2011 and the rest of my schooling life, I hope to be as involved as I can handle to my school and the amazing teachers there who input knowledge into our brains, are amazing role models, like our parents, do what's best for us and help us achieve to the best of our abilities. I have started this a bit by joining some more clubs and taking the initiative to be involved in ways that interest me. So I am excited for some new experiences but also a little timid about being in a new environment out of my comfort zone.
-Play more violin To be honest, in 2010, violin hasn't exactly been at the top of my priority list, of course, I put my studies first, but usually violin is at the top, and technically is still is although I just didn't put as much effort into it as I would have liked in the previous year. I kind of lost a lot of my interest for it when I got a temporary teacher whom I wasn't too excited about, although, from that I actually played a bit more in home so that if I was in my lesson, and I wasn't playing to my best, it would still be better than if I didn't practise and it just made me over prepared. But I wasn't super excited about lessons, although, for the start of this year, my teacher finally figured out what kind of music I liked to play and we shall be starting that, which I'm looking forward to.
-Improve some of my friendships 2010 was quite a big year of change, and I am hoping that 2011, things shall be better, some of my friends whom we have been drifting away from each other during 2010, will hopefully come back together with my magic potion ;D. Jokes, but I do hope to get closer again, possibly during this summer.
-Be alright with my relationship status If you didn't know, I actually have never had a proper boyfriend, but majority of my friends have, and so it makes me sad to think that no one has ever wanted me , or wanted to make me feel special; that when a guy looks at everyone, he shall never chosen me, and it makes me sad. But hopefully, I will feel more comfortable about this and look at it from a positive point of view. I can spend more time to focus on my studies and etc, and just be happy with my awesome friends. ;D And just accept the fact that maybe it really is better to be friends with guys, because they do make pretty fantastic friends.
-Be more proactive I often think of doing things, and I am bursting with ideas, but I don't usually take the initiative to actually do it and end up saying "I can't be bothered" and go and do something else that is already set up or takes less effort. Some of the things I am going to try and do, mostly this summer, is makeover my room, start experimenting and practising with makeup, finally write more of my fan-fiction or instead write short stories that don't need to be done over an extended amount of time. And just in general more writing, reading, violin-ing, exercising, singing, dancing, smiling.
-Be happy I actually did have this resolution last year, and overall, I think I accomplished it. To be honest, 2010 may have been one of the happiest years of my life and I hope to continue to make 2011 just as happy.
Sorry this was SOOOOOOOOO long and huge, but I am sitting in the train so inspired, like I said before. So do you want to do a home project? You could creatively make some sort of New Year's resolution thing. Write, make a video, talk in the video or make it an animation, make a poster to stick on your wall or anything. I'd like to see. (:
Also, what would you like to see on this blog, specifically? Not just a category, because only one person replied to my readers ask post, and I know more than one person saw it. So yeah, just request? I don't bite, sometimes. ;P
Thank-you guys, all of you, for reading my blog in 2010, and hopefully this blog will continue to greet your eyes throughout 2011.
So long, and happy new 2011! xD
Saturday, January 1, 2011
An anonymous actually told me this:
Don't know if I've sent this to you yet, but...
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! I swear I'm getting around to answering your message, but things are kinda hectic and there's quite a lot to say/answer.
But didn't want to wish you a good time late,so yeah. Wherever you are, hope you're having a great holiday, coz you're one of my special Tumblr friends! xD Damn that sounded mushy. Sorry. It's the Christmas spirit infecting my brain :D
Tumblr is not just a place where people post pretty pictures, it's a community, where total strangers are there for eachother and pull us up when we are down. Thankyou tumblr for letting me be a part of this amazing place for 2010.