Dating Dynamics: Tinder dun dun dun

It's judgement and thought provoking day on Unspent Thoughts.

I know this is a controversial subject but hear me out, okay?

Now I am no way an experienced person when it comes to the dating world, but I would like to call myself an experienced observer. Obviously I am a conceited person.

Dating or finding a 'significant other' is already hard enough in our day and age. With all this technology, we know everyone but we don't really know anyone.

Tinder. What a controversial topic. Teenagers love it. It's fun and no one really takes it seriously. It is said that it can't be labelled as a dating app, more as just a good time and harmless entertainment. Old school baby boomers who actually know what it is, criticise it for skipping traditional dating rules and missing out on the wondrous aspects of dating.

Me? I understand where both sides are coming from.
But I personally cannot be the one to support this.

If you don't know what Tinder is, don't worry. I didn't initially. It's basically a 'dating' app that let's you look through a couple of pictures and a small bio of the people near you. It then let's you like or swipe away those you find desirable or not. And when people mutually like each other, bam! You've got a match. Most people just chat for fun, others hook up and the unfortunate sentimental ones, try to take it seriously. But with everyone saying "Don't worry, I won't tell people how we met.", is this the best method for dating?

I have many friends who take to Tinder for fun and I get that. It's harmless, a little flirty and no one takes it seriously.

But there is something in this culture that I can't bring myself to just 'touch' the install button in the App Store, no matter how fun it is.

At first I didn't really know why I felt this way. My friends told me to get it, but there was some instinctual feeling that told me not to. I just didn't feel comfortable with it. At the time I just made the excuse that I was too lazy to create a profile. The online predator excuse doesn't work as effectively now because apparently people have forgotten about online dangers.

Now don't yell at me, I'm not saying everyone out there is a creep but I'm just saying you should still be cautious online because everything is being exposed to such a big audience.

But now, I've figured out why it bugs me so much. It's how much Tinder has changed dating dynamics or preferences. I say preferences because close minded Tinder lovers will preach over and over that no one uses it for dating anyway. However, this escalated use of Tinder has warped how we perceive people and 'partner prospects' in real life.

I had always thought, or at least hoped, that it would come down to the personality. And I'm not saying there is a universal perfect personality. I actually mean, the chemistry. I'm not gonna doubt it, looks do matter. But in the long run, it's how happy a person makes you and how you become your best self with that person, that truly decides whether you choose to stay with them or not. While looks play a part, most people try to give everyone a chance. At least get to know them as friends. And then you can decide based on the full package and not just what's on the outside.

At least, that what's my idealist side wants to be real.
On some level, I don't think that ever happened, but on another level, I always hoped that it will or at least, I would meet someone who shared these values.

With that acknowledgement, I've still noticed that the standings have shifted in recent times. You can meet someone who in your eyes is awesome, they share similar values or interests and you have a fun time with them, but you still choose the one that is 'hotter'. I'm not saying the 'hotter' person can't also be the better person. But when you choose someone you barely know, and in your opinion has no substance, and still hookup with them, despite having someone right in front of you who is your perception of the most amazing person in the world, now there's something wrong with that.

I'm not talking about looking at the people you've friend zoned, because anyone can do that rightfully. Often there are great people out there who simply aren't right for you or you just don't 'click' with.

We look for 'love' in the wrong places. Maybe if we take a step back and consider our other 'options' meaningfully, we would find someone truly worthwhile.

Relationships

Boy, relationships are nasty, and complicated, and usually never last. 


And oh yeah, I just realised that this will have almost nothing to do with relationships, lol. 


My story:
No, I'm not going to vent about a break up, or ramble on about a new boyfriend whom I love, but reveal my realisation about my so called 'love' life. But can I call it a 'love' life if I've never really been with anyone?


Anyway,
I'm currently 15 years old turning 16 in January and I've never had a first kiss, and I've never had a boyfriend. I use to think that at this age it didn't matter if you had done either of these things, but it seems the age gets lower and lower and the years pass on. 


All my friends have all experienced this, and honestly, I did use to want a boyfriend, really badly, and not because I felt left out, but because I just wanted to be loved. I've always kind of been a loner, even with 'friends' around me, and honestly, now I kind of like it that way. But I just wanted someone to see me for me and to really respect me, I guess we don't really get that anymore.


The older I got, the more scared I became that I would have no one. I've been at the same school for my entire life and everyone already knows who I am and that the people who don't want anything to do with me, don't have anything to do with me, and everyone who ever somehow 'liked' me in their meaningless tween existence (no that's not a typo) has realised that it's best to not act on it.


I've always been a tomboy, I may now be into fashion and stuff, but I still act kind of like a boy. No I'm not sloppy, or lazy, or smelly, but just straightforward, and being this way makes girls annoyed. I just don't want to have to act a certain way. I just don't play games, I mean what I say, and usually act the same around most friendship groups. 


So as I got older, I was sad that maybe there's no one out there for me, everyone just treated me like a friend who was a girl and that's it, nothing more. And there was nothing I could do about it.  


Although, even though I wanted all these things, I didn't go out to parties and hookup with random guys who told me what I want them to tell me, because A) I'm not stupid and I respect myself and B) I want my firsts to be meaningful, and I want it to be with the right person.


But don't worry, I'm not going to complain about how I'm a lonely teenage girl who wants to be loved. And sound like a bit of a hypocrite in that last paragraph. Funny is, I haven't even reached the main plot line, awkward. 


Back to planet Earth. Recently I met a guy, who is two years older than me, so he didn't really know me, he's really sweet and kind and is the first decent guy I've met. 


In the past, when I 'liked' someone, everyone somehow ended up finding out, I wasn't very subtle about it though, and it always seemed like they would 'like' me back, similar to all those advice columns in the teenage girl magazine: "they probably like you back!" NO wrong, don't act on it, you just end up being rejected, like I did. 


So this time, I acted totally normal with him and had a professional relationship, because the only way we knew each other was through a school activity that we had to do together.


In the past couple months, I secretly hoped that maybe I might have a chance, maybe something meaningful could happen, and maybe I'd have my first boyfriend.


I was pretty in over my head, other than the school activity, we never got a chance to hang out. And the school activity, was pretty professional. He didn't even hang in the same groups, I have friends in his year level but they aren't in the same circle. Nevertheless, he was still nice to me, and said 'hi' to me in the hallway (which is surprising because I've had an unfortunate incident with other year 12s in the past, let's not get into that now).


The thing is, the point to this amazing story, isn't that amazing, but it's a realisation that I've always known I should have, but I have never really embraced.


Maybe I just shouldn't care. It's not necessary for me to have a boyfriend, and definitely in my experience, things happen when least expected. Just like the John Mayer song, I'm happily 'Perfectly Lonely'.


I've always believed that if things are meant to happen, somehow you will know what to do to make it happen. And especially with boys, my previous experiences haven't been that great when I rushed into things, I usually got hurt and became an embarrassment. 


So I'm just going to let it be with this guy and just boys in general. Let's just see how things play out in my life, and let that be it. 


The end.


That's a huge story with a small significant lesson, but this realisation is pretty important to me, so I just wanted to let it out there. 

Sky and stars

My favourite aspect of nature is the sky. I love how it is so endless, I love how I can just get lost in it. I love when it's wild, dark, angry. I don't believe in God, but I believe there are many greater beings that watch over us. The dark clouds are fury, anger, destructiveness but also pain.

The rain are their tears, but after rain comes sunshine, after sadness comes revelation and happiness. The rain is necessary, it creates balance in the emotions and also gives us wonderful water.

When the sky is cloudy, filled with white fluffy clouds, I look up to the sky and it looks like a mountain, a white peak, coming over me, engulfing me. It's scary but also exciting.

Sunset and sunrise, just so beautiful. The sky is filled with an exquisite mixture of colours. Reds, yellows, oranges, golds, pinks and sometimes even purples.

The night time is just as wonderful. The stars that light up the sky but are so far away. To us they look like twinkling lights, but from their point of view, they're hot rumbling balls of gases. My favourite stars are the dim ones. I read somewhere that the brightest stars are dying, why is it that magnificent things always come to such an early end? The ancient Greek heroes, the brightest stars. And so, I love the dim ones, they are content, happy, and have a greater existence. They don't burn so bright, they are not extreme, but they are calm and peaceful, but always there watching over us.

What has always fascinated me is how everyone is seeing everything from a different point of view, we are all in different rooms, in different places doing different things, and I am always wondering what it would be like if for example, I didn't go to rehearsal and I went to class instead? The amazing thing about the sky and the stars is that, us, all of us, when we look up to the sky, are seeing exactly the same thing.